An Honest Hypothetical and True Interview That Never Happened With James Lipton From Inside the Actors Studio...

JAMES LIPTON: Okay. So you're twenty-one. You're in college. Now you have cancer and you're told that you probably won't make it through the summer. You look to your left and there are your parents. You look to your right and there is your girlfriend, who you want to spend the rest of your life with. What's happening in your mind?
ANDREW SAMUEL: It's a surreal event. The never-ending back-and-forth between what has always been reality and what is your new reality. You try and find a ledge jutting out to grab hold of, but you realize that the whole wall is smooth. Then you beginning slipping down towards a very dark area.

JL: I can only imagine that it's at that time that you really huddle in close around family and friends so they can help you out.
AS: You know, friends and family are great in the way they try and help you out and a good support system is important. The truth is though, that at that time you just really feel alone. And you are. Because you don't want to hurt the people close to you by making them worry more than they already do, if that's even possible. But you kind of feel like you are trapped inside of your own dark thoughts. Try as they might, friends and family cannot pull you out of the hole that you are in.
JL: Then how are they important?
AS: That first hole you fall into is unavoidable. I think you have to go into the darkness in order to come out and see all the goodness you still have left, for however long you have it left for. So your family and friends can do nothing to get you out of it. And I believe it is important in any tragedy to allow yourself to fall into the darkness and to accept all the truths that come with the tragic event. 'You have cancer' and you deal with all the consequences that arrive from that situation. 'A loved one has passed away' and you deal with those consequences. But you can only deal with all the real consequences that arise from a situation if deal with the circumstances up front and completely. So, I think the fall into darkness is good.
The friends and family are amazing because they can keep you from falling back into the hole after you have climbed out the first time. They can also be a reason for you to try and even climb out in the first place. That is extremely important. Immeasurable. Once all my stength and energy are all used up and I have dragged my decaying body as far as I can, my loved ones step in at just the right time to carry me until I gain my energy back.
JL: Who have been the people there for you the most?
AS: Well I would have to say my fiancee who dealt with a whole hell of a lot more than a lot of women in her position would have. And I think it's critical to mention that Katie (fiancee) and my mom have been to every appointment I have had in two and a half years. But you cannot limit the influence everyone else has had on me as well From people I see everyday to people who I don't talk to but once a year. Every word really fuels the fire.
JL: What's the worst thing about cancer?
AS: The thoughts that come into your mind and you cannot block.
JL: What's the worst thought?
AS: That when I die, I'll have disappointed more often in my life than I have pleased. That I'll have let people down
JL: What do you want people to to know about cancer and about the people that are afflicted with the disease?
AS: First, people with cancer are identical to people without cancer, so don't treat them differently. Second, humans are like babies. When we bump our heads, if everyone starts to jump up and make a hoop-lah, we will start to get worried and cry. On the other hand, if everyone remains steadfast and continues life (even while recognizing the unfortunate event) we will carry on dressing up Barbie or waging war with G.I. Joe's against Cobra Command.
JL: What is the best piece of advice you can give someone in your situation?
AS: I think it is the same advice I would give anyone who didn't like the way there life was going, either from tragedy or anything: "If you do not change the direction in which you are going, you will end up where you are headed." - Confucius
JL: And now we turn to our questions...
What is your favorite word?
AS: Revolution
JL: What is your least favorite word?
AS: Cannot.
JL: What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
AS: The attempt to laugh... Hard.
JL: What turns you off?
AS: Giving up.
JL: What is your favorite curse word?
AS: Fuck.
JL: What sound or noise do you love?
AS: Laughing so hard it doesn't make a sound.
JL: What sound or noise do you hate?
AS: Muffled tears.
JL: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
AS: Chef/Restaurateur
JL: What profession would you not like to do?
AS: Politician
JL: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
AS: Thank you for always trying to find the joke in everything...